i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
