he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
