Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
