I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
