do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
