I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
