no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
