How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
