a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
