Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
