I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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