Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
