You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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