You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
