I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
