I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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