Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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