party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize