Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
