I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
