I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
