my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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