Me. At least after what I've been through.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
