There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
