so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
