It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
