I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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