Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
