Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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