I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
