My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
