if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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