My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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