Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize