hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize