Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
