and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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