Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
