U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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