Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
