so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
