I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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