would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
