you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize