When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
