Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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