she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
