There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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