Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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