i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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