i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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