brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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