Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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