Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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