Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize