I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
