The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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