im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you for not boning my boss.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
