why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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