Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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