just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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