And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize