Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I could fuck to npr.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
