I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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