does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
