I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
