You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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