smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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