Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize