how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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