There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
zippers are such a cool invention
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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