I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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