I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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