found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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