Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
